How to Eat an Elephant: Breaking Down Anxiety One Bite at a Time

Two sayings resonate with me about anxiety and connection. The first is, “How do you eat an elephant?” The elephant here is Anxiety itself. Anxiety often keeps us from truly showing up—not just at gatherings but also for ourselves, our partners, our kids, and each other. How many meaningful moments have slipped by because we were too anxious to be fully present or rushed through awkwardly? Have you ever wished for a redo?

Calling out the elephant in the room or asking for a “do over” has become a life-saving strategy for me. In social settings, you might hear me say, “Can we talk about the elephant in the room?” or even, “That felt a little awkward—did you feel it too?” With my kids, I’m a bit more direct. I want them to see that sometimes, as parents, we make mistakes, too. I’ll say things like, “You know, I don’t like how I handled that. I was feeling really overwhelmed. Can we have a do-over?”

Recently, my five-year-old told me he was nervous about school. I took a grounding breath, reminding myself that his elephant is not my elephant. We talked through his concerns, breaking down the 'big' project into small, manageable parts. This moment of listening not only helped him but strengthened my bond with his teachers and our shared community. Parenting can be challenging, but it’s also a constant reminder that no elephant is too big when we tackle it together, one bite at a time.  

In moments of anxiety, exploring grounding techniques can help us reconnect with ourselves and our surroundings. Here are a few client favorites:

• Running cool water over the inside of your wrists offers both a physical break from the situation and the calming effects of cool water on your nervous system.

• Slowly taking five sips of water or eating a hard candy, while asking: What do I hear, see, touch, smell, and taste?

• Taking a walk can serve as a brief reset, allowing you to return with a fresh perspective.

• Making a list of the facts can clarify thoughts and reduce anxiety.

• Reciting a personal statement or mantra can separate you from the negative stories you tell yourself. For example, remind yourself, “I am a good person who makes mistakes.”

By using these strategies, we can better navigate our anxieties, both for ourselves and in support of our loved ones. Remember, you are not alone in facing these challenges. Your community will support you, so you can embrace every moment—And let’s be honest, an elephant is way too big to eat alone.

Be Well.

Megan Rowe

Megan Rowe Counseling

Deep reads to explore these themes more

Gottman, John, and Joan DeClaire. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting

Murthy, Vivek H. Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World

Siegel, Daniel J., and Mary Hartzell. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive

Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are