Search Results

I’m a fairly introspective person, and I’d be lying if I said my own journey hasn’t influenced where I choose to lean in. I try to stay daily aware of this in my professional life, but I also believe that seeing professionals as human beings is incredibly healthy. When other professionals take the time to figure out their own stuff, it makes me want to lean in with them. So, let’s talk about the impact of babies on marriage. Marriage is hard. Becoming parents is mind-blowing. Relearning the person you chose (who suddenly isn’t quite the same) can feel ruthless. I think my partner and I could both agree on that. In honor of my recent anniversary and the work I do with new parents and those seeking to get and stay married, I feel there’s a gap we need to name. To prepare and to repair , I want to talk about the normal changes that occur when babies come into the picture. The Gottman Institute reports that about 67% of couples experience a decline in relationship satisfaction after the birth of their first child ( The Gottman Institute, n.d. ). In my practice, I can’t tell you how often individuals come in during that window, 12 to 24 months postpartum, navigating the possible end of a relationship that once felt certain. In marriage, it’s easy to make promises and have expectations, spoken or unspoken, when we truly don’t yet know what we don’t know. When we agree to marry someone, it’s usually at a point when we feel like we really know them. Discoveries at that stage rarely surprise us; they make sense. We might even assume we can guess what kind of parent they’ll be based on how they treat others. But what we can’t predict, and I cannot emphasize this enough, is who someone becomes in the throes of postpartum. That’s why I love the terms matrescence  and patrescence.  They describe the process of becoming a parent. A physical, emotional, and social transformation which can easily be compared to the drastic changed experience as adolescence to flight into the hormonal and social shifts into adulthood. Our brains, bodies, and identities shift to make room for caregiving, connection, and survival in a new role. Postpartum isn’t just a single hormonal response in our bodies, and it impacts non-birthing parents too. Everything changes. Over time, who we were and who we are integrate. Most people begin to find a rhythm that blends to two and what feels disjointed, once again feels whole. Or so we hope. We’re never the same, but the good parts we miss about ourselves (and our partners) often return. Still, being married and that cognitive dissonance (discomfort with our change of behavior) of postpartum is hard . This is especially true when parents are navigating more than just the baby blues.  Postpartum mood disorders can extend the timeline of that integration and often require more support than most couples expect to need. So how do we make it better? Recognize and label the feelings. Recognize and talk about the changes in each other. Recognize and accept that seasons change. This isn’t forever. And have a plan. The season you’re in while finding your parenting groove can feel endless and heavy, but it will shift. Be kind, and ask for kindness. It’s okay to rest in the friendship of your relationship for a while. And if you can,  be preemptive . Not because the plan will always work, but because knowing how to create one together matters. Small Things That Make a Big Difference Notice the bids (a Gottman term for thinking about requests for connection or attention as bids) .  Pay attention to small moments of reaching — a sigh, a question, a touch. Those are bids for connection. Turn toward them when you can. Check in daily.  Even five minutes to ask, “How are you holding up?”  creates space for honesty before resentment builds. This isn’t a time to review the daily or weekly task list. Just lean in to who you are doing life with. Assume good intent.  Exhaustion can make even kind people sound sharp. Pause before reacting. If you are confused by the meaning behind an action, ask from a place of curiosity. Revisit roles often.  Ask what’s working, what isn’t, and what each of you needs right now. If you cannot hold all the things between the two of you, explore together who else can help. Celebrate small wins.  A simple “thank you” or “I see you trying” goes a long way in hard seasons. Try professional support.  Before using the “D” word or deciding it’s over for good, consider whether a professional could help you work through the hard parts , individually or together. Sometimes having a neutral space can make all the difference in understanding what’s really happening beneath the surface. A Final Thought If you’re in this season, give yourself permission to make mistakes, get it wrong and repair . The goal isn’t to return to who you were before parenthood, but to grow together into who you’re becoming now. For better or for worse, when we choose kindness in the hard seasons it opens the doors to rediscovery during the growing seasons. Important Footnote:  This article is written with the intention of supporting couples navigating the normal challenges of parenthood and connection in relationships absent of intimate partner violence . The thoughts and strategies shared assume a foundation of emotional and physical safety. If there is fear, control, or harm in your relationship, please reach out for individualized support. These tools are meant for healing, not survival or fixing something that isn’t yours to fix. Citation The Gottman Institute. (n.d.).   Research and statistics on couples and parenthood.  Retrieved October 20, 2025, from https://www.gottman.com Books I remember reading (listened too) postpartum that help refrain how I viewed my marriage during a really tough time: To Have and to Hold: Motherhood, Marriage, and the Modern Dilemma  — Molly Millwood, Ph.D. The Power of Showing Up  — Daniel J. Siegel & Tina Payne Bryson (Designed for parents, but honestly I have found Daniel Siegel's & Tina Payne Bryson's material interchangeable in relationships) The Relationship Cure  — Jo hn Gottman & Joan DeClaire

When I (re)started this journey, I had no idea how much the marketing side of this field had changed. Honestly, it’s been overwhelming at times, trying to rebuild a network and brand that I didn’t even realize was expected of me. And while I’m talking about my career here, the truth is, what I am about to share could apply to almost any area of life . Change of place, identity, roles, or direction has a way of demanding more from us than we planned to give. My response: I got quiet for a quick season as I personally navigated another geographical transition. And then, I’ll be honest, I hid. The marketing, networking, and building part of what I do is not my favorite. It felt like it was no longer enough to just help people. It became my elephant in the room, and I needed time to move through it. Now, I’m here. My work has always been rooted in family systems and relationships formed over my first ten years of practice. Back then, my work grew organically through years of showing up, leaning in, and building trust. It wasn’t about proving myself; it was about connection. Sure, there were always areas for growth, but when you’re plugged into a supportive network and growing together, it doesn’t feel like work. I was naive to assume I could replicate that same success just by “starting over.” The truth is, the world has changed. I have changed. And being geographically separated from my original community has made this rebuilding process both humbling and stretching. Even as the need for mental health support grows, the landscape of private practice has become increasingly complex. It’s a reminder that even helpers need help. For a long time, I resisted “branding” or “niching down.” My nature has always been to say yes and to lean in wherever there is need , regardless of boxes or categories. ( I really dislike boxes. ) But I’ve come to see that leaning in for a season doesn’t mean limiting myself. It means allowing myself to grow where I’m most needed. Right now, that means turning my attention toward the unique emotional, relational, and mental health needs of women , especially around pregnancy, postpartum, and the transitions that follow. These are the stories and seasons that are calling to me most deeply. This doesn’t mean that if you reach out for something outside of that focus, I won’t answer. My heart and mission remain the same: to be a guide toward authentic living and emotional wellness. This is simply where I’m choosing to lean in right now for my own continued growth, education, and connection with my community . The truth is, there isn’t a checklist for starting over. Most of us just figure it out as we go . But after years of sitting with people (and my own messy seasons of growth), I’ve noticed a few steady practices that make the process a little kinder . If you’ve ever found yourself rebuilding, too: I see you . This season may look different, but we can still grow together. Ten Gentle Reminders for When You’re Leaning In (Again) Pause Before You Push.  Growth doesn’t require constant motion. A mindful pause lets your nervous system catch up with your goals. You don’t have to say yes to everything. Be intentional with your energy. Name What’s Changing.  “Name it to tame it.” Whether it’s the elephant in the room or a part of you that feels uncertain, call it what it is. Recognition softens resistance and helps you keep moving through. Redefine Productivity.  Healing and rebuilding count as productive. Swap “What did I finish?”  for “How did I stay present or connect today?” Rebuild Safe Routines.  Consistency regulates mood and anchors you in predictability. Small meals, regular sleep, and scheduled breaks all count. If you’ve moved, find your grocery store, farmers market, and go to park. Recreate rhythms that once grounded you. Stay Curious About Avoidance.  If you catch yourself hiding, ask, “What feels tender here?”  Curiosity invites compassion. I lived here for months before returning to writing. I didn’t fight it. It became a friend until I was ready. Reconnect Before You Correct.  With yourself, your partner, your kids, or your work, build warmth first, then adjust. Limit Comparisons, Expand Perspective.  This journey isn’t linear. Zoom out and ask, “What would I tell a friend in my place?”  Then offer yourself the same grace. Find Your “Enough.” Set boundaries that honor your energy, not others’ expectations. “Good enough” is often the doorway back to balance. And if it isn’t good enough for them, they aren’t your people. Laugh at the Awkward Parts. Humor softens shame. It reminds you that imperfection is human, not failure. Lean In, Gently. You don’t have to leap. Sometimes leaning in just means showing up today. Imperfect, curious, and willing to be here. At the end of the day, just keep showing up . Someone will eventually meet you there or maybe you’ll meet yourself there. I promise it’s worth it. -Megan Rowe

Do you know how you like your eggs in the morning? Or are you more like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride , sliding into whatever egg preference matches the person you're with or what's most convenient at the moment? I wanted to discuss a concept that is easy to miss but feels transformative once we recognize it. I first encountered this idea early in my career while working with families through the PREP (Prevention and Relationship Enhancement Program), a highly regarded framework for strengthening relationships. More recently, it has been reinforced in my exploration with the Gottman Institute, which remains one of the most sought-after programs for both pre- and post-marital counseling. PREP refers to this idea as "Sliding vs. Deciding," while the Gottman Institute integrates it into their framework through "rituals of connection" and intentional decision-making within relationships. Being me, I can’t help but take this concept a step further, exploring how it influences not just intimate partnerships but also parenting and daily life. Are you making intentional decisions in your relationships, or have you become a passenger or backseat spectator to what’s unfolding around you? We often handle the obvious, big decisions life requires of us—choosing a job, moving to a new city, or making financial commitments. But it's the micro-decisions we barely notice that can quietly shape the dynamics of our relationships. Over time, these unnoticed choices can lead to resentment, regret, or unexpected conflict when their cumulative impact becomes impossible to ignore. This often leads to the questions, generally at the end of a relationship “how did we get here”? Balance between work and parenting doesn’t happen on its own—it requires intentional conversations and ongoing negotiation. A major life shift, like returning to work or kids going to school, doesn’t come with a built-in redistribution of responsibilities - mom’s if you know, you know. Without clear discussions and adjustments, even positive changes can lead to imbalance and burnout. Taking the time to communicate expectations before reaching the point of overload is essential for sustainability and well-being. Also - expectations sometimes need to be flexible and negotiable. What you expect may not be the same as your partner or child’s agenda. Without full knowledge and acceptance of this we can often get stuck. Most of the time when we realize we have “slid” into decision making. I encourage a reframe and a redo. I work with couples all the time that have great love for each other. Love that, in the beginning hid the imperfections or incompatibility in their relationship. Now they are left wondering “how did we get here” or “what did I miss”?  Sometimes we didn’t “miss” anything. Just as we change, our partners do too. We often miss the lessons in life that teach us how to talk about these things. It’s awkward and uncomfortable which cues those sliding behaviors. I believe there is still space to recognize, stop the sliding and decide to pivot. And rest assured “pivot” does need to be as dramatic as your brain may be shouting. What Do We Do When We Realize We've Been Sliding Instead of Deciding? Pause  – Take a moment to ground yourself, regulate, and self-soothe. This isn’t the end—it’s just a breather. Recognize the Pattern  – Ask yourself: Is this dynamic working for me?  Don’t overanalyze or redefine the entire relationship. This may simply be about acknowledging that your current morning routine isn’t serving you. Get Curious About What Needs to Change  – Small shifts or experiments can relieve tension. Some adjustments can be made internally, while others require collaboration. If a conversation is needed, approach it with curiosity—not an agenda. Tensions may be high, so keep it friendly, maybe even playful. Take Intentional Steps Toward Balance and Connection  – Move slowly. Be kind to yourself and to those around you, but don’t take on more than you can carry. This isn’t a time to overcompensate. More often than not, the internal shift happens first—before it can be offered externally. Side note - “Sliding versus deciding” is not a term used in Gottman. Though this framework is discussed widely throughout the model. I choose to stick with the “sliding versus deciding” verbiage as it feels easily accessible. Right now, I’m deepening my understanding by exploring The Gottman Institute’s curriculum. If this resonates with you and you’re curious about how it could apply to your life, let’s connect! Warmly, Megan Rowe, M.Ed., LPC The Gottman Institute.   Gottman Method Couples Therapy: Level 1 Training Manual.  The Gottman Institute. Howard J. Markman, Scott M. Stanley, and Susan L. Blumberg.   Fighting for Your Marriage: A Deluxe Revised Edition of the Classic Best-seller for Enhancing Marriage and Preventing Divorce.  Jossey-Bass, 2010.

Knock, Knock "Knock, knock," says a voice. "Who's there?" I respond. "Boo," says a nervous voice. "Boo who?" I ask. "Anxiety, not fear..." they reply. Do you know the difference? We often blur the line between anxiety and fear. Simplifying terms can help communication, but sometimes it waters down important distinctions. So how do we tell them apart? Understanding the Difference The DSM-5 defines them as follows: Fear:  An emotional response to a real or perceived imminent threat, often triggering a "fight-or-flight" reaction, like a racing heart, sweating, or heightened alertness. Example:  You're near a busy street with your child. A car suddenly zooms past, and your immediate instinct is to pull them back. Anxiety:  The anticipation of a future threat, marked by tension, worry, or unease about what might  happen. Example:  Your three-year-old is in a defiant stage, and you're already bracing yourself for a power struggle at the next public gathering. Why the Confusion? Our bodies process fear and anxiety similarly because they both trigger cortisol, the "fight-or-flight" hormone. The nervous system doesn’t distinguish between real and perceived threats — it simply reacts, leaving you to manage symptoms like tight muscles, an upset stomach, shortness of breath, tunnel vision, and a racing heart. If the nervous system becomes overwhelmed, it may trigger a freeze response  instead of fight or flight. This happens when the brain turns off to conserve energy. Even those more prone to fight or flight can experience this, often much later — leaving them physically drained without knowing why. Have you ever felt like you were getting sick weeks after a big transition [new job or big celebration]? Your body is finally processing the 'excitement' or anxiety it endured. Survival vs. Limitation In most fear responses, your body does exactly what it needs to do to survive, even if the outcome isn't perfect. Anxiety, on the other hand, can become limiting and exhausting, making you feel out of control, at the end of your rope, or like you're endlessly treading water. So, what now? As Robert Frost said, “The only way out is through.” Once you recognize the difference between fear and anxiety, managing the latter becomes about finding practical, everyday tools. In-the-Moment Tools for Anxiety Breathe:  Anxiety speeds up your nervous system and alters your breathing. Slowing your breath helps reset your body. Try inhaling for 4 seconds, holding for 7, and exhaling for 8. Grounding (5-4-3-2-1):  Focus on your five senses. Identify 5 things you can see, 4 you can touch, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. It gives your brain an active pause. Cold Exposure:  Splash cold water on your face or hold an ice pack on your neck. Science shows cold exposure slows your heart rate and eases anxious feelings. If splashing water isn't practical, taking a cool drink works wonders too. Longer-Term Goal: Intentional Exposure with Rewards If your anxiety isn’t spontaneous but tied to specific situations, try pairing exposure with a reward: Listen to a good audiobook or favorite podcast that you only engage with during this recurring stressor. Call a friend who always makes you laugh. Do these activities during or right after your anxiety-inducing task. I understand that reward systems can be a bit controversial these days and tricky to navigate. However, there’s solid science behind how the brain learns to tolerate uncomfortable feelings when we engage its reward center. When dopamine is released, it helps balance the cortisol spikes that come with anxiety. The goal isn't to rely on rewards forever but to build enough comfort and tolerance so you can eventually face the stressor without needing a reward as a bandage. The key is to be intentional with how you use rewards—letting them support growth, not become a crutch. Remember—anxiety and fear are inevitable and uncontrollable. What you can  control is how you move through them. Whether it's breathing techniques, grounding exercises, or intentional exposure with thoughtful rewards, small steps can create big shifts. And sometimes, just naming the elephant in the room is all it takes to turn it into a mouse.

I work with clients to explore connection through a trauma-informed lens, helping them build relationships and create change that is both healthy and meaningful. A significant part of this work involves unpacking codependent or unhealthy beliefs and behaviors. Many clients are surprised to discover that, even after changing their behaviors, their automatic thoughts don’t always shift as quickly. And sometimes that little voice stays around forever. Wanna know a secret? You can hear it, without listening to it. It’s common to feel challenged when, after a season of "being healthy," those old thought patterns resurface. In these moments, I remind my clients about the importance of finding and leaning into the Middle Path . This concept can serve as an anchor during times of uncertainty or when they feel out of control. Change is not a one-and-done event —it’s an ongoing process, an active choice we make every day. It’s important to recognize that having a thought, even one that feels like the old you, doesn’t erase the progress made. The Middle Path encourages us to find balance between extremes, acknowledging our feelings while choosing to be intentional. We often know how we want to respond, how we need to respond, and how we should respond. The answer typically lies somewhere in the center. This gentle yet firm reminder allows us to hold space for both our growth and our humanity, recognizing that healing is a journey, not a destination. What is the “Middle Path”? The “ Middle Path ” is a concept from mindfulness and Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) that helps us navigate the space between two extremes. Imagine it as a spectrum or a line. There’s point A, point C, and the often-hidden middle ground (point B). Here are a few examples to help you better understand this concept: Connection Example Point A:  Feeling insecure in relationships, constantly seeking reassurance, or needing connection to feel safe. Point C:  Avoiding connection entirely, withdrawing to avoid vulnerability, and relying solely on yourself to prevent rejection or hurt. Middle Path (B):  Finding a balance between autonomy and closeness. You can stay open to connection and support while maintaining your individuality and honoring your own boundaries. Parenting Example Point A:  Believing you’ve failed when your child struggles or doesn’t meet expectations, taking it as a reflection of your abilities. Point C:  Ignoring the struggle or discomfort, assuming it will resolve itself without intentional effort. Middle Path (B):  Holding space for both self-reflection and acceptance. “It’s okay for both of us to feel stretched right now. I can support my child while learning new ways to connect and adapt as we navigate this together.” Career, School, or New Hobby Example Point A:  Doubting yourself or your abilities: “What if I’m not good enough? What if this was the wrong choice?” Point C:  Minimizing or dismissing your emotions: “I should have this figured out by now—why is this so hard?” Middle Path (B):  Acknowledging the mixed emotions of starting something new. “It’s natural to feel unsure or scared during this transition. I can let myself feel those things while focusing on learning and trusting that growth takes time.” The key  component in making the Middle Path tool work for you is to observe, recognize, and continue to move through it—don’t get stuck! For more discussion or information on this topic or any of my previous topics, please reach out. You are not in this alone. Be Well, Megan Rowe, M.Ed., LPC Current Reads: Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself by Nedra Glover Tawwab Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life by Henry Cloud and John Townsend

Have you ever found yourself holding back from saying something because you weren’t sure if it was your place? Or maybe you did say something—and immediately wished you could take it back? These moments can feel uncomfortable, sometimes even unsafe. Or just incredibly awkward. Regardless, it can be so difficult to stay when we feel uncomfortable. No matter how you feel about them, situations like these often stir up conflict. That conflict can be both internal and external, creating a tension that’s hard to ignore. In reflecting on this idea, I keep coming back to the notion that conflict only feels safe when we know the other person will stay. And sometimes, that other person is the one staring back at us in the mirror. "Staying" can be more than just sharing a physical space. It’s about a willingness to remain present—emotionally, spiritually, and mentally—when things get tough. Are we truly “staying” when conflict arises, or are we avoiding, numbing, or escaping? The act of staying is to pause, cease, or refrain from moving. Literally. However, we both know that we can physically “stay” while emotionally, spiritually, or mentally seeking an escape. This often feeds the tension of the conflict, resulting in a loop we feel helpless to break. Try measuring these moments as we move forward. Using a scale of 1 to 10 in intensity can help us know when we need to make a small shift in our approach to yield a different outcome than normal. When You Find It Hard to Stay Whether with yourself or another person, try these tips: 1. Give Words to the Struggle Sometimes, just naming what you’re experiencing can help. For example: “I am having trouble being in this moment with you, and I really want to be.” “I am trying to avoid this because I cannot control the outcome.” When we name the elephant in the room, it often makes the situation easier to process in the long run. 2. Lean on Curiosity Approach the moment with curiosity instead of judgment. Try saying: “I am feeling awkward about this, and I am curious if you are too.” Curiosity can shift the dynamic and open up a space for mutual understanding. 3. Ask for a Do-Over Change is hard, and it’s natural to fall back on habits that don’t serve us or others. Our speech and thinking patterns can unintentionally trigger reactions we didn’t anticipate. It’s okay to recognize when you would have liked to handle a situation differently and ask for a “do-over.” For example: “I didn’t mean for my tone to come across that way earlier. Can we try that conversation again?” 4. Anchor and Focus on the Outcome When it feels hard to stay, remind yourself of your "why." Are you doing this to strengthen a relationship, grow personally, or break an old pattern? Anchoring to your purpose can help you push through discomfort and stay engaged in the moment. This refocus reminds us of our intention and meaning. 5. Take an Intentional Timeout For a more physical boundary that respects your need to step away but supports your desire to stay, I LOVE promoting the art of a “timeout.” What sets a timeout apart from fleeing is that it’s intentional, with a scheduled return. Here’s an example of how to communicate this: “I’m finding this topic hard to stay focused on. We keep getting tangled up in the weeds. I’d like to take three days for both of us to come up with two ways we can move forward. Can we talk on Friday?” During the timeout, do your best to avoid one-sided conversations or rehearsing arguments. The point isn’t to prepare for battle but to neutralize the space and reflect. 6. Embrace Silence Silence can feel awkward, but it’s often where the best reflection happens. Allow yourself and others the space to sit in the pause without rushing to fill it. 7. Practice Self-Compassion R Remember, being kind to yourself builds the foundation for offering the same compassion to others. Staying is hard work, and it’s okay not to get it right every time. Progress matters more than perfection. That last one— practicing self-compassion —is crucial. We cannot seek change if we cannot accept our struggles in a gracious way that demonstrates self-kindness. For parents, this skill is especially important in instilling positive self-esteem within our children and teaching them the importance of staying. When we model self-compassion, we show them how to handle their own challenges with grace. As the saying goes, when we know better, we do better. Be well, Megan Rowe, M.Ed., LPC Current Reads: Nedra Glover Tawwab. Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. Henry Cloud and John Townsend. Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life .

Do you remember your first “pass the peas” moment? I vividly recall returning home from college after my first semester. There were elephants in the room—unspoken tensions that everyone was aware of but remained glaringly silent. If you’ve read my previous posts, you know this is not a dance I navigate gracefully. I clearly remember a moment at the Thanksgiving table when one of my younger siblings dangled a carrot of controversy, putting me directly in the hot seat. With candor and directness—and very little practice in setting boundaries—I distinctly remember my response: I literally requested that “the peas be passed” in a silent prayer for distraction. I’m not even sure there were peas on the table. For those of you reading this and still a little confused about the euphemism "pass the peas,"  please note that this term is commonly used in American English to describe the act of politely avoiding or skimming over a controversial topic at the dinner table. It's a way of diverting attention or sidestepping uncomfortable conversations by focusing on something more neutral—like passing food around—rather than addressing the underlying tension directly. Holidays and Family Stress Holidays often bring stress to families and their systems. Thanksgiving, which some see as a "safer" holiday without the financial strain of gifts, still isn’t immune to the growing tensions we’ve all felt over the past decade. Even the comfort of the Thanksgiving table can feel uneasy. My Encouragement for Your Holiday Table Here’s my urge for your holiday table this year: approach it with curiosity, respect, kindness—and a readiness to “pass the peas” when conversations derail. In my work with couples and families, I’ve seen the stickiest conflicts often boil down to miscommunication and a lack of curiosity. So, what is good communication? Is it always positive? Neutral? Polite? Not exactly. Good communication is clear, intentional, and rooted in connection. It fosters curiosity, respect, and a willingness to pause when things go sideways. Here are some key elements that can help smooth over even the trickiest discussions: Key Elements of Good Communication: Lead with Curiosity: Genuine curiosity disarms defensiveness. When we ask questions to understand—not to argue or persuade—we invite connection. Curiosity doesn’t mean you’ll agree with someone; it means you're open to hearing them. Set Boundaries with Grace: If certain topics are too loaded or painful, it’s okay to set a boundary. “For the sake of the relationship, let’s skip ABC for today.” If it comes up, gently redirect—“pass the peas.” Get Creative with Connection: A shared joke or ritual can transform tense moments. For example, what if spilling the “peas” led to a fun, lighthearted family game? These small actions can shift dynamics and create positive memories. Remember the Bigger Picture: If you’re at the table, odds are you’ll share many more meals together in the years to come. Let one meal be a moment of peace and connection—even if it means leaving certain discussions for another time. Passing the peas only works in spaces where there is a shared commitment to safety and respect, even amid differing views. A Note on Safety These ideas are not meant to diminish the very real pain or safety concerns some may face during the holidays. If your situation feels unsafe or irreparable, know that it’s okay to do something different this year. Seek help if you need it—you don’t have to face these challenges alone. There are resources and people ready to support you. Final Thoughts I believe effective communication is the foundation of almost everything. When clients express that something feels “off” in their lives, I often explore whether they feel truly heard or misunderstood. Many of my clients seek growth in communication as they strive to strengthen their connections with others. Below, I’ve shared some of my favorite reads to help enhance connection through the power of communication. I hope you find joy and peace this holiday season. Thanksgiving can hold different meanings for many people. For me, it’s a time of reflection and gratitude—for those who have stood behind, beside, and respectfully in front of us. It’s a moment to acknowledge the fact that we are here, and to appreciate the positive efforts we’ve made for ourselves and our loved ones. I am thankful for you. I am thankful that you are here. Be Well. Megan Rowe, M.Ed., LPC Reads worth the explore Scott, Kim. Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity . Bolton, Robert. People Skills: How to Assert Yourself, Listen to Others, and Resolve Conflicts . Gladwell, Malcolm. Talking to Strangers: What We Should Know About the People We Don’t Know . Bradberry, Travis, and Jean Greaves. Emotional Intelligence 2.0 . Chapman, Gary. The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts . Faber, Adele, and Elaine Mazlish. How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk . Thich Nhat Hanh. The Art of Communicating . Patterson, Kerry, Joseph Grenny, Ron McMillan, and Al Switzler. Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High .

Ever been just minutes from home when you hit a sudden traffic jam that might keep you there for hours? That’s what stuck points feel like for many people —so close to where they want to be but unable to move forward. Let’s talk about this and explore ways to break through to growth.  The concept of stuck points has been coming up a lot in my life and work, and I've noticed that different terms capture unique perspectives on beliefs that hold us back. Here’s a breakdown of these terms: Stuck Points : Rigid beliefs that keep us from moving forward. Core Beliefs : Deep-seated ideas, often formed in childhood, that shape our views of ourselves, others, and the world. Cognitive Distortions : Beliefs that might not be true but feel real, often keeping us in old patterns. Maladaptive Beliefs : Thoughts that not only fail to serve us but may also harm us or our relationships. Schemas : Mental frameworks based on past experiences, like fearing dogs after a bad encounter in childhood. These schemas create broad beliefs from limited information. Biases : Unconscious beliefs that surface, often unexpectedly, in moments of conflict. Hopefully, this provides some context for thinking about your own “stuck points.” These are thoughts that no longer serve you and may even be causing harm. Often, they create conflict in daily interactions or affect how you engage with your community. To better understand a stuck point, try remembering your A-B-Cs: A  (Activating Event): Something happens that triggers a negative feeling. B  (Belief): Explore the story or belief behind why you feel this way. C  (Consequence): Notice your reaction. The goal is to use this as a reflection to pause, apply grounding tools, and shift from an automatic reaction to a more intentional response. Here are some examples of how stuck points can show up. Stuck Points in Parenting Stuck points often appear during conflict, whether with others or within yourself. Many people focus only on the stuck point itself rather than exploring the bigger, underlying issue. But what if we could unpack these points of contention? Could that lead to real change? In a recent group discussion, we explored how, as parents, we often want to protect our children from painful experiences we remember. We aim to parent differently, perhaps to improve on what we perceived as weaknesses in our own upbringing. But how often do we create new challenges by reacting from our own stuck points rather than letting our instincts guide us? Example: Imagine my core belief is that grownups don’t want to interact with their kids, leading to painful memories of feeling ignored as a child. Now, this belief may be prompting me to hover over my own child, trying to prevent them from being hurt in the ways I once was. But in doing so, am I depriving them of chances to build resilience and learn self-reliance? Breaking it down, it might look like this: A  (Activating Event): My child wants to play independently. B  (Belief): "Bad things happen to kids when they’re alone" (Stuck Point). C  (Reaction): I constantly hover, trying to prevent harm. By always being there, I might protect my child from small injuries, but at the cost of limiting their development of physical awareness and self-management skills. My “protection” could be depriving them of learning to take healthy risks, ask for help, or even develop a sense of independence. Without experiencing safe failures, they might end up doubting their own resilience. Stuck Points in Connection to Community Stuck points aren’t limited to parenting—they can also affect our relationships and sense of community. A helpful reflection might be: does a fear of connection or intimacy really serve your community? Applying the same framework can help identify areas where stuck points are holding you back from meaningful connections. Example in Adult Friendships: A  (Activating Event): A friend doesn’t respond quickly to an invitation to get coffee. B  (Belief/Stuck Point): "If they don’t respond right away, they don’t really want to connect, and I’m bothering them." C  (Reaction): I withdraw, deciding not to reach out again. This reaction may reinforce feelings of isolation, even if the truth is that the friend was simply busy or dealing with their own challenges. By assuming the worst, I close off the chance for connection, potentially missing out on a meaningful relationship. Moving Forward: Reflect, Reframe, and Reconnect How can we begin to reflect on our beliefs, examine the evidence, and gently say “no thank you” to the stuck point? It starts with questioning our core beliefs and reframing them to make room for other perspectives. For instance, rather than assuming disinterest from a friend, we might consider that they’re busy or preoccupied, which opens space for understanding rather than shutting down the opportunity. In both parenting and relationships, learning to identify and challenge stuck points can open doors to resilience, growth, and richer connections. By examining and reframing our beliefs, we allow ourselves—and others—to move forward with more trust, understanding, and self-compassion…even when we disagree. This helps us engage with our communities with curiosity rather than criticism. Personally, I’ve found that approaching these situations with curiosity feels far safer and more empowering than staying stuck. When others respond with curiosity and openness, it also invites me to sit with my own discomfort and engage more openly, fostering a space for mutual understanding and growth even in difference. Be Well. Megan Rowe, M.Ed., LPC

This week, I worked ahead on several blog posts. It was challenging to decide between what I wanted to say and what needed to be said. Most of my blog entries are written in an essay style that allows for timeless reflection, but I’m not sure this post will fit that mold. It was important to me not to retreat into my shell despite the discomfort and raw emotions people are experiencing this week. Finding the Balance Between What to Say and What Needs to Be Said As we continue our journey in managing anxiety, stress, and building meaningful connections in our communities, there’s something important to say. Choosing Connection Over Conflict Be gentle with yourself  today. Be kind to your neighbors . Choose connection over conflict, even when beliefs differ . Embrace the uniqueness in others, or simply agree to disagree while still loving those around you. By loving them, you’re not betraying your beliefs, and by their loving you, they’re not compromising their morals. Embracing Empathy and Grace No matter which party you support or which viewpoint you’re passionate about, remember what it feels like to feel stuck, disappointed, scared, or even isolated. Remember what grief looks like. If you haven’t felt these things, imagine being in the shoes of someone who has. How would you want a friend to respond to you, to your child, or how would you hope your child responds to a friend? Hold space for integrity and grace  in these moments. Today, let’s create space for connection. Be Well. Megan Rowe, M.Ed., LPC

Two sayings resonate with me about anxiety and connection. The first is, “How do you eat an elephant?”  The elephant here is Anxiety itself. Anxiety often keeps us from truly showing up—not just at gatherings but also for ourselves, our partners, our kids, and each other. How many meaningful moments have slipped by because we were too anxious to be fully present or rushed through awkwardly? Have you ever wished for a redo? Calling out the elephant in the room or asking for a “do over” has become a life-saving strategy for me. In social settings, you might hear me say, “Can we talk about the elephant in the room?” or even, “That felt a little awkward—did you feel it too?” With my kids, I’m a bit more direct. I want them to see that sometimes, as parents, we make mistakes, too. I’ll say things like, “You know, I don’t like how I handled that. I was feeling really overwhelmed. Can we have a do-over?” Recently, my five-year-old told me he was nervous about school. I took a grounding breath, reminding myself that his elephant is not my elephant. We talked through his concerns, breaking down the 'big' project into small, manageable parts. This moment of listening not only helped him but strengthened my bond with his teachers and our shared community. Parenting can be challenging, but it’s also a constant reminder that no elephant is too big when we tackle it together, one bite at a time.   In moments of anxiety, exploring grounding techniques can help us reconnect with ourselves and our surroundings. Here are a few client favorites: Running cool water over the inside of your wrists offers both a physical break from the situation and the calming effects of cool water on your nervous system. Slowly taking five sips of water or eating a hard candy, while asking: What do I hear, see, touch, smell, and taste? Taking a walk can serve as a brief reset, allowing you to return with a fresh perspective. Making a list of the facts can clarify thoughts and reduce anxiety. Reciting a personal statement or mantra can separate you from the negative stories you tell yourself. For example, remind yourself, “I am a good person who makes mistakes.” By using these strategies, we can better navigate our anxieties, both for ourselves and in support of our loved ones. Remember, you are not alone in facing these challenges. Your community will support you, so you can embrace every moment—And let’s be honest, an elephant is way too big to eat alone. Be Well. Megan Rowe Megan Rowe Counseling Deep reads to explore these themes more Gottman, John, and Joan DeClaire. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child: The Heart of Parenting Murthy, Vivek H. Together: The Healing Power of Human Connection in a Sometimes Lonely World Siegel, Daniel J., and Mary Hartzell. Parenting from the Inside Out: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

Nobody likes me; everybody hates me. I think I’ll just eat worms… Or perhaps it resonates more as, "Nobody knows me; I think I’ll just stay home."  I wasn’t exactly an outcast growing up, but I also wasn’t among the popular kids. My home life was anything but normative. We were a blended household, with two young parents trying to navigate the complexities of family life. Amid societal pressures, there was an unspoken expectation to present a picture-perfect existence—a "white picket fence" ideal.  I share this because our childhood experiences can linger, often subconsciously, shaping the core values and rules that guide us. Regardless of your upbringing, we all absorbed lessons from the adults around us, transforming those into core beliefs that can run deep within us. These beliefs aren’t consciously chosen; they often develop in response to adversity, shaping our habits as protective measures. A great exploration on how our childhood attachment plays into our here & now can be found in the book Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find—and Keep—Love  by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller. This book explores how our early experiences shape our relationships and emotional connections in adulthood. Reflecting on my own story, this narrative fostered a belief that if my life wasn’t perfect, I couldn’t let others in. While I’ve made strides in combating the perfectionist mindset—sometimes fully embracing my “hot mess” friend persona—the latter part of that belief still presents challenges for me. It can make showing up for myself and creating space for others feel daunting. As Brené Brown might say, this tendency is part of my “armor.” Have you thought about your own pieces of armor? If so, let’s explore how we can move beyond these barriers together. Step One: Identify What’s Holding You Back What’s holding you back? Think about the "armor" you wear daily that protects you but also creates distance between you and others. While this armor serves a purpose, does it feel too heavy? Can you imagine letting it down, even just for a moment? Step Two: Embrace Opposite Action When discomfort creeps in, I remind myself that the threat is often just a perception. For instance, I feel anxious approaching another stressed parent, worrying about misreading the situation or offending them. But instead of shying away, I push through. Inspired by Dr. Marsha Linehan, the founder of Dialectical Behavior Therapy, I practice what she calls “opposite action.” I’ll say, “Hello! Want to take a walk with me?” Even if that walk doesn’t happen, I create space for connection or teach my body that taking risks can be safe. Remember, you’re not committing to anything serious—if it doesn’t feel right, that’s okay! Just like we encourage our kids, celebrate your effort. You were brave! If the vibe isn’t there, kindly acknowledge it and try again with someone else. Step Three: Be Vulnerable! Relationships thrive on mutual connection. Even a small act—like holding the door open and smiling—elicits a response. Your anxiety might unintentionally send a message, but you’re still engaging. In an ideal world, we’d all feel safe sharing our fears. Vulnerability can be our greatest strength! I recently had a heartfelt moment with my child’s kindergarten teacher. I introduced myself by saying, “Hi, I’m Megan. You might find me a bit quirky, but I promise I’m helpful and fun once you get to know me.” This simple act of vulnerability created a safe space, reducing misunderstandings and opening the door to genuine connection. Step Four: Show Up, Show Up, and Open the Door I encourage you to try reaching out to others 3-4 times. As busy parents, we know that friendship often requires multiple attempts as circumstances change. Keep showing up and leave that invitation open! Regardless of the outcome, we can create a safe space for others to ask for help. Isn’t that what we all desire? To feel secure and create a welcoming environment for our families? We don’t have to become best friends overnight; that can come later. It’s essential to show up and open the door. If you’ve invited someone to five activities without a response, it’s natural to feel weary. But remember, vulnerability is key. Showing up often means taking that leap and opening the door, even when it feels heavy. You are strong enough to do it. Who has invited you out recently? Did you reciprocate that bid for connection? This isn’t the end of our conversation. I don’t promise that these ideas will transform your life, but isn’t it worth considering them? If you’re interested in further readings or videos, check out the references below. Keep in mind that I draw on concepts flexibly; they don’t always need to apply strictly to their original contexts. For example, insights from The Whole Brain Child  have enriched my marriage, while Gottman’s principles have enhanced my friendships. The tools we gather from various sources can be relevant across all our relationships. Be Well. Megan Rowe Megan Rowe Counseling If you want to explore more here are superheroes I like to follow! Levine, A., & Heller, Attached: The new science of adult attachment and how it can help you find—and keep—love . Brown, Brené. The Gifts of Imperfection . Gottman, John. The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work . Siegel, Daniel J., and Tina Payne Bryson. The Whole-Brain Child .

Over the past five years, I’ve been on a journey that’s sparked a deep curiosity about how we form and nurture connections in relationships.  At first, I thought, It’s just me.  Once again, I found myself as the "new kid"—not only starting a new chapter in life but also navigating a new place. Lately, I’ve come to realize it’s not just me. While I won’t place all the blame on you, there’s definitely an us  problem when it comes to our ability to truly connect in today’s world. The Challenges of Modern Society Modern society isn’t making it any easier. With the pressures of the pandemic, shifts in feminism and the political climate, growing mental health awareness, and the sheer overwhelm of parenthood, I find myself wondering: Where, and how, are we supposed to find our people? Is it possible that the idea of “finding our people” has become unclear or even unattainable? Before you tune me out, throw stones, or rage-read through this, I’d like to explore a few points I’ve been considering. And please note the word considering . Like you, I don’t have all the answers. I’m still figuring things out, taking time to explore these themes rather than waving a frustrated flag that says, “We’re all doomed.” Modern Society: When Did Friendships Start Feeling Like Online Dating? For many, virtual connection has opened doors to personal and professional opportunities. For me, it’s been a lifeline—allowing me to stay connected to my beloved community after a surprising move and to find balance between parenthood and maintaining my professional identity. But there’s another side to this. Virtual connection can sometimes create a facade that stands in the way of real connection. I often find myself creating a narrative about someone before I’ve even truly met them, leading to disappointment when reality doesn’t align with my expectations. In a natural environment, those barriers might dissolve, allowing surprising relationships to blossom. But online, those walls can prevent us from getting to that point. Modern technology gives us an easy out. Did I really leave that text unread because I was too tired, or was I waiting for a better offer? Are those missed emails truly lost in the clutter, or am I hiding behind the noise? Sometimes it feels like I'm embracing the comfort of avoidance rather than engaging fully. What would happen if we disconnected?  If we stopped the anxious scrolling and picture-perfect (or perfectly imperfect) performances for others? Who would reach out if we weren’t participating in this alternate reality? The real question is: if they’re not reaching out (or if you’re hesitant to), are these really your people, or are we wasting time? Pandemic, Politics, and Modern Feminism I’m lumping these together, not because they don’t each deserve their own weight, but because so much research has already been done on how these factors have shaped modern psychology. The truth is, people are scared to be themselves. We live in a world full of extreme judgments—sometimes harsh and unforgiving. Even those we once celebrated as “unicorns,” the peacekeepers or neutral voices, are no longer safe from criticism. It’s isolating to be in the middle, to sit in the gray. Society seems to demand that we pick a side—you’re either with us or against us. This has led to a dynamic where people feel bullied into choosing their communities out of scarcity, rather than connection. Outside of blatant racism and harmful behavior, why can’t we hold space for those who are still learning or have different beliefs? Are we truly open-minded, or is that just buzzword language that makes us feel good? At the end of the day, do all your friends look and act the same? I’m guilty of this, too. Moving outside my usual circle has shown me how my “diverse” group wasn’t as diverse as I thought. My complacency, disguised as grateful comfort, has been eye-opening. I’m not saying we should feel unsafe—we can’t form real connections without a foundation of safety. But are we truly creating safe spaces, both physically and mentally, when we show up? Do you feel safe?  I know I don’t. So how do we get there? Mental Health, Well-Being, and the Gimmick Trap Ouch. That one stings a little. First, let me say this: I’m not your provider, and despite my constant curiosity about human behavior, none of us—myself included—can diagnose ourselves (or anyone else) on a day-to-day basis. If you’re struggling with mental health, impulsivity, substance use, or learning differences, it’s important to see a professional. Not all professionals are created equal, and not all have the background to diagnose everything we’re seeing online. If you’re reading this as an interested client of Megan Rowe Counseling, please know that I will only ever serve you within my scope. If there’s something we need to explore further, I promise we’ll have that conversation together, not about you. And if I feel I’m not the best fit, I have many trusted colleagues that we can walk toward—together. That being said, a diagnosis should be a tool, not a label to justify or perpetuate a struggle. Yes, there is real truth to the rise in trauma responses, ADHD, anxiety, and depression. We have more science and information today. We are also in a beautiful space of acknowledging these challenges instead of feeding stigma. However, we’re also bombarded by unvetted information—whether it’s a BuzzFeed quiz diagnosing introversion or a social media post about mental health (and yes, I’m guilty of the 4 AM scroll too). It’s easy to get stuck in the diagnosis rather than moving toward solutions. Is this flood of information keeping us from finding our people?  From building community and true friendships? I wonder… Redefining Community What am I trying to say here? Let’s redefine community. While we’re in this limbo of “finding our people” and building deep, lifelong friendships, let’s acknowledge that community can look different in the meantime—and that’s okay. For example, if you’re someone who feels the weight of vulnerability hangovers and only needs 2-3 meaningful connections, but you’re not finding those people yet, can you let smaller support systems fill in for now? Can knowing you have good providers in your corner feel like a form of community? Can a shared, understanding nod from another mom in passing while shuffling kids bring a sense of connection for that day? What about the witty conversation you have with your regular barista? I’m not saying ask your PCP to grab coffee mid-exam with your favorite barista, but can we start to see these smaller connections as part of a larger journey toward finding our people? Maybe that book club or community event you dragged yourself to isn’t about finding an instant connection. Maybe it’s more like When Harry Met Sally —it’s about consistency. Showing up where you are, in the season you’re in, might be what allows deeper connections to grow over time. What’s Next? So, what’s next? This—being here, being present. Look around at the people in your life, whether they're fleeting or consistent. Are we appreciating their effort, or are we letting awkwardness and societal bias shut down something that could grow into a fulfilling community? Are we measuring our meaningful, yet quieter, interactions against the loud, picture-perfect images on social media? Are we filling our time with noise and missing the chance for real connection? If you show up for yourself, others will show up for you. And if they’re truly your people, they’ll show up again. Sit through the discomfort. Sit through the awkwardness. Intentionally recognize and push through bias if you feel safe, and be consistent. Over and over and over. Be Well. Megan Rowe Megan Rowe Counseling Contact Me Authors, speakers and books that I have used while exploring this topic (in no particular order): Braving the Wilderness by Brené Brown Daring Greatly by Brené Brown Hunt, Gather, Parent by Michaeleen Doucleff, PhD *This is from a parenting perspective of community but it has really inspired me on the overall theme of connection & community. Robin Dunbar Charles Vogl